Sad Day. After 14 years in our lives, Lucy passed.
She was stalwart to the end.
She was suffering from Hip Dysplasia (common among labs), Geriatric Vestibular (diagnosed after Wallie’s passing in 2025), and Cushing’s Disease (a few years of this). Vet who showed at our home thought she may have had cancer, as well. We’ve known for some time – it was time. The struggle with so many pet owners is Is It Too Soon? Is It Too Late. I think it was about right. She didn’t have any accidents (so great, she was), but you could tell as she stumbled for weeks, wouldn’t ‘sit’ – just plop on the ground. Often hurting herself. We knew it wouldn’t get better for her. Obviously, it was hard for her. Her heart was more robust than her body would allow at this point.
We know she had an awesome life. Adopted from our local shelter so many years back, she was the only one that was quiet and looked into our eyes that day. She was a spaz when she was young – to be expected. We will miss her jumping on the bed at night. Her growling at the cats (never anything else), and her need to always be near us, especially Tina (I was always secretly jealous of this).
I hate that my last memories of her was her stumbling to just be near us. Often, she wouldn’t be able to get up at all … you could hear her struggling and trying, resulting in either myself or Tina going over to pick up her hindlegs to enable her to walk. Her Dysplasia made her legs so stiff; yet, she stumbled on. Often I would see her stand on her curled toes just to be upright. She would stumble to the dining room table when we ate at dinner time. Stumble to bed. Stumble to potty outside. Stumble for her treats. Yet – she persisted in her love and want to be near us. Now she’s gone.
Vet was shocked to know Lucy was 14. Most labs live 10-12.
“She’s obviously been well taken care of!”
No consolation.
But, to some extent, Yes. We love her so much. We will miss her so much. I’d like to think she was very happy over her 14 years. I know that. Which makes this agony easier.
I fired up the smoker at 9am and grilled her a nice steak, medium rare. Elyce and I also had gone to Albertsons the night before to buy her a slice of chocolate cake. She devoured both about 30 minutes prior to the vet arriving. We had her lay down in front of the fireplace, in the living room – where so many nights were spent over the years with her just laying down, sleeping, snoring, farting.
Dropped Elyce off today at UNM. It’s only 45 minutes down the road, but feels many states away.
Kind of prepared myself emotionally a few weeks back (at the time I was dreading the entire time leading up to today) and felt like I was prepared for today. Not too many tears … but heart really really hurts.
Came home. Napped. Cried in the closet (it’s a walk-in so not quite like it sounds). Went to the gym. Arms and Shoulders today. Thought I was good. Went to grocery store.
Ugh. Seeing all the little things Elyce would want or laugh about when we shopped together … heart starts to hurt again. Drive home. I’m good. Got this. But it’s quiet.
Pass by the crazy Flag Waving Trumper house driving up the hill. Ugh. Hits again (Elyce always comments on the house, laughs, impersonates a truck-driving right-wing hick – has my sense of humor).
Gavin and I took the last day of the year and went boarding in Santa Fe. It was crowded. Got him 2 hours with an instructor … still need to find his edges but marked improvement over the spring in Wolf Creek.
So I have been taking Elyce out for driving lessons every Saturday recently. With the whole shut-downing of things since COVID came about, it put a wrench in our plans to sign her up and take driving lessons with a 3rd party. That was the plan. Things, obviously, have changed.
So we go out in my car every Saturday for an hour or so. We started in a parking lot – where I just had her NOT using the accelerator and getting a feel for braking/coasting/turning. Then we went to parking and maneuvering around a parking lot (empty casino lot – shut down due to The Rona). Then driving around being-built neighborhoods in the area (empty streets) … to “drive me to Lowes”. Yesterday, she drove on the main street here in town – 55 mph. Umph.
Her ‘driving school’ started today, finally. But it is all on-line. “Virtual”. Friday she gets her permit and will start her 100 hour driving log to eventually get her license.
I’m happy. I’m sad. Here we are at another crossroads of parenting that kind of makes me sad. Reminds me of when I took her to her first day of school so many years back. I didn’t think being a dad would make me sad when we hit milestones like this. You always see other parents so happy when their kids grow up and move on. Really proud and happy to see both Elyce and Gavin growing, learning. I just wish this lasted a lot longer – that somehow time could just chill a bit.
Twenty years ago, fatherhood was something very far from what I wanted. Today – it’s just time I treasure.
Turned one year older today. I’ve certainly had enough birthdays to allow the occasion to pass quietly. However, this year was different.
Beyond the texts and calls, there was one voice that was not here today. Dad’s.
Dad is around – don’t get me wrong. Physically he is here (Austin) … but ‘dementia’ has quietened him. As the day progressed today, I began to be saddened by this for probably the first time in the year that it has really hit him.
This is the first birthday in my life where he has not called – which really hit me. Since I moved out of Texas in 1992, he would also ALWAYS send me a card that would arrive EXACTLY on the day. He was always very proud of that – that he could time USPS for the card to land on my birthday.
“Did you get my card?” he would ask when he called, always knowing the answer.
Heading into October, I guess I kind of expected the absence of that silly tradition. Tina and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary on the 11th – and no card (his card execution was beyond birthdays, too). So I wasn’t surprised, per se. But it hurt today.
I realized that I won’t ever see another card from my father again. It sucks more than I ever imagined it would.
Posted: October 24th, 2018
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So we went to Purgatory ski resort in Durango, CO for Spring Break this week. Just got back last night. The kids are exhausted, which is good.
The first time snowboarding for anyone can be brutal, and their experience was no different. Actually ended in tears for both. Seeing so many whoosh by on their board or on skis is deflating for the first-timer, as one has little context: you don’t realize or understand that those ‘whooshers’ have been up a few times. No one really masters the skill the first time. You spend most of your time getting up from falls.
That clarity came to point on this trip as, even though I hadn’t been on my board for about ten years(!), I only fell a couple of times. My pain was fairly limited to my ankles and knees only – and just a small amount. It’s the repeated falls and getting back up that really makes it painful in the end.
But I lost out on my equipment on the trip. My old Device boots (step-in snowboard boots) finally died. On my 4th run of the day, the back section of my left boot (which holds the bolt which locks into my bindings) ripped off of my boot. I was able to keep the front of my foot in the bindings and hobble my way down about 100 yards. Then, my right one ripped off! I was stuck but was fortunate enough to be near a lift and was able to take the ‘gondola of shame’ back down to the base.
The boots had some sentimental value to me – these were the boots (bindings, and board) that I purchased in Santa Fe years ago when I first started (and experienced the pain that Elyce and Gavin had this trip). What was funny was that at the start of the day, when we were getting dressed to hit the mountain, a kid came by and saw my board and said “whoah – retro! How awesome!”
After lunch with Tina and the kids and $40 later, I had a new set of boots and a board (rental) to finish out the day. But my boots stayed behind as we left Purgatory. But I’m keeping the board!
It has been about 5 months now since we started our journey of moving into a new home. 5 months ago (ish) we started the process of looking. Then the offer, then getting our old home ready for market, etc. It was pretty tough, overall. More mental than physical, really. Things have settled down now.
Yesterday the internet was down in the house. It was weird as we all migrated closer together and hung out for the day … we were playing ping pong together as the evening came.
I will admit, I didn’t really try to spend much time trying to figure out the internet issue. Pretty confident there were issues in the area, but it could of been just the cable modem or router. Oh well – didn’t matter really.
